the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
