The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
