Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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