Your tits are I can't wait for
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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