i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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