I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
