I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
