I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
