just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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