stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
