There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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