Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
