Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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