You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize