No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
