The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
