Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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