for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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