oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
