The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
