I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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