u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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