I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
