drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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