I'm really into asian looking animals
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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