My hand turned me down
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
