You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
