O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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