how can u be prego again
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
