we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We named our party play list daddy issues
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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