I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
