So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
