whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
