I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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