i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
