I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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