this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
