so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
