is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
