You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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