My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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