Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
