you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
