i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
