I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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