And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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