Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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