So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize