You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize