I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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