I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
