How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
