You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
