Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
