fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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