She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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