Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
