dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
