Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
