remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
