you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize