Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
