yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
