it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
