I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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