So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
