your thong is hanging out like whoa
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
