She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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