You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
