the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
