is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
