I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
